It's painful!

I've been suffering from a bout of writer's block today. Ouch!

The construction across the street very distracting - heavy machinery is LOUD! Plus, it causes my house, my desk, my head to vibrate. Even if I listen to my ipod, I can feel my desk shaking every so often. Besides, today is not the day for me to listen to music while I try to write. I'm even distracted by my classical music. Normally it helps me focus. Nor does my Native American flute music help. I just feel too scatterbrained today and music is just not helping me "recover" from this latest bout writer's block.

I've been looking for a couple photos that I want to scan for tomorrow's "Memory Lane Friday" post. Guess what? I get distracted while flipping through my physical photo albums . . . and the online albums.

Some of these photos make me miss El Paso. As I look through these photos, I feel saudade for my grandparents' home. For the wonderful times I spent in El Paso. And even the not so wonderful times. Like when Livie came down with coxsackie and thrush and wouldn't nurse, wouldn't drink from a bottle, and Oma and I drove in the night, in the pouring rain, to William Beaumont Army Medical Center at Ft. Bliss.

So I sit here daydreaming about El Paso. About how I haven't ever gotten the chance to take Andrew (or Livie for that matter) to Viva! El Paso. About how nice the Ft. Bliss PX is. How I took my grandparents to Mass on base once (for Christmas, I think, when I was stationed in Tucson, and I'd driven to El Paso to celebrate the holiday).

Then I find the photos from Las Vegas in '04, and I want to go back and re-live the fun Andrew and I had while we were there - including our day trip to the Hoover Dam. You know what? They had this snack bar place there (on the NV side, I believe). I remember getting an ice cream cone. Soft serve. Vanilla. Nice and cold on a hot, cloudless October day in the Southwest. I remember going on and on about how good that ice cream was, and that I want to go back to the Hoover Dam, not only for the spectacular views of the Dam itself (and the engineering feat) but for the ice cream, too.

Of course, then I find photos from when Andrew and I were stationed in the greater Boston area. I miss going for seafood on a regular basis. I miss heading to Maine for a long weekend. Or how we were into ballroom dancing for nearly four years. And I miss the Minute Man National Historic Park in Concord, MA. And how Livie was born in Concord. I miss Bedford Farms ice cream, Bertucci's in Lexington, MA, that movie theater across the street from Bertucci's, where we saw March of the Penguins in October 2005. Natick, MA, where I had my wedding dress altered before our church wedding in December 2002.

I'm just easily distracted today. And I can't even blame it on the rain. It's sunny, though a little hazy today. Yesterday, I just felt blue, a little sad. It was rainy pretty much all day yesterday. All I could think of was that the weather dictates my moods. That shouldn't be the case! But now that the sun is showing itself, I still feel a little melancholy, like I can't quite shake it off completely, like it's lingering around after yesterday's dreary weather on purpose.

Of course, that's not true. Maybe I'll just go empty the dishwasher, because I think I heard the end-of-cycle beep. Perhaps some mindless chore will help snap me out of my writer's block.

But then again, looks like writing about it for the sake of complaining has helped a little bit, now hasn't it?